uniomena:

Fighting anxiety and depression often feels like there’s a huge black tar monster to fight against with shittiest weapons against huge black tar monsters.

uniomena:

Fighting anxiety and depression often feels like there’s a huge black tar monster to fight against with shittiest weapons against huge black tar monsters.

forgottenawesome:

Do You Love Someone With Depression?
If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.
Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.
1. Help them keep clutter at bay.
When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm  environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)
2. Fix them a healthy meal.
Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing her to go deeper into her depression. Help your loved one keep her body healthy, and her mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.
3.Get them outside.
 The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here.  For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.
4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.
If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.
5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.
Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.
6. Hug them.
Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.
7. Laugh with them.
Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of herself. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.
8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.
Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.
9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.
A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”
10.Remind them why you love them.
Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.
(via The Darling Bakers)

forgottenawesome:

Do You Love Someone With Depression?

If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.

Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.

1. Help them keep clutter at bay.

When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm  environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)

2. Fix them a healthy meal.

Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing her to go deeper into her depression. Help your loved one keep her body healthy, and her mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.

3.Get them outside.

 The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here.  For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.

4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.

If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.

5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.

Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.

6. Hug them.

Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.

7. Laugh with them.

Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of herself. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.

8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.

Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.

9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.

A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”

10.Remind them why you love them.

Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.

(via The Darling Bakers)

intangiblepetrifications:

José de Ribera (Spanish, b. 1591 - 1652)

“Saint Andrews" - Oil on canvas

intangiblepetrifications:

José de Ribera (Spanish, b. 1591 - 1652)

Saint Andrews" - Oil on canvas

(Source: kritzelkrams)

opalbeifxng:

// No offence. Just that long posts are irritating. 

I personally just unfollow people who can’t understand how much of a dash clog it is. I can forgive it happening once. Twice, no can do. 

(Source: absurdtod)

Anonymous sent: Hihihi, if you are still doing the kiss requests Could you do 7 or 17 with medic and solider? Or anything you want I just like seeing them together

vermillionsketcher:

image

#17… I drew this right next to my mom tho. she probably saw evrythin

zer0-ner0:

Smooth

dertotdesgott:

khatmedic2:

"A name doesn’t change who you are, Johannes" he sighed in reply, musing over everything he’s learned. It wasn’t much now that he thought about it. But one thing simply made him angry. 

"I can never hate you.And my feelings for you will never change. But I can’t promise you I won’t murder that whore." Friedrich found it funny how everything Tobias said was coming true.He’d kill for the man he loves, even if it’s a simple thing as a sexual relationship. It was in the past and it didn’t matter… but it did to Friedrich simply because it was the spy. That particular spy. 

"Argh, I can’t take this noise" he exclaimed, running both his hands through his hair and gripping at it for a long moment. "Just" he didn’t know what to say to this. It was just like that one time he nearly went insane because of how much his brain rebelled against him, swarming itself with too many thoughts to the point of impossibility to stand it. 

Friedrich sighed again, finally turning to Johannes and wrapping his arms around him “Just… never again about this guy. I don’t want to know what you did with him and what you had with it. I just don’t” he whispered and clang to him.

He looked over Friedrich worriedly. He could see the cogs turning in his head, how hard his mind was working. Johannes’ husband often over thought things and it lead further and further to serve to hurt himself. It was something Johannes didn’t like to see Friedrich do to himself. 

It came to him in relief that Friedrich did not hold anything he said against him but then his thought turned to the spy. The man very well should steer clear of his husband. Johannes wasn’t sure what Friedrich would do if he got his hands on the man and Johannes would not be able to stop him. No, not with that look of absolute hatred staining his features. 

Just when he thought Friedrich would leave warm arms wrapped around him and pulled him close. Johannes held him back, burying his face into his neck. “Never again,” he promised the pulled back a bit to look at him. He felt the urge to gush to him about his crimes, about what happened to him before he became Johannes but the look of Friedrich made him think it didn’t matter anymore. They were here now and Friedrich was already loaded with enough information for one day.

Johannes set Friedrich on his back and pulled the covers over them. He pulled himself up higher than Friedrich so he could cradle his head and nuzzle into his hair.  Right now, they were in need of some good rest. 

Friedrich had very little to say in reply, simply closing his eyes and leaning into the gentle cradle that was offered. He closed his eyes, or tried it, though every time he did the image of that man came to his mind. It was outlandish for him to imagine Johannes doing anything with him.

And while he had no right to claim him before they even started dating… Friedrich still felt uneasy.

But he willed all of his thoughts away an tried again, concentrating only on Johannes’s heart beat to serve as a calming agent while he closed his eyes again, being lulled into a nap state. He was still tired, still could use the sleep, but he didn’t want to fall asleep. Johannes may need him awake. 

"I sent a note to your higher ups by the way" He murmured groggily, remembering that detail he forgot to mention "Explained to them the situation, or at least I hope they will understand. So there shouldn’t be any trouble with your absence on both bases" He yawned and got himself comfier on Johannes’s chest, nuzzling him lightly. 

dertotdesgott:

khatmedic2:

Friedrich listened to Johannes very carefully, learning a whole lot of things he didn’t know and never even suspected. And there was so much of it, he thought he’d loose track at some point and , well, he was absolutely lost by all of the things he didn’t know and just now got to discover.

He looked at Johannes, eyes wide with concentration and brows knitted into something of an anger mixed with disbelief. He didn’t exactly know why, but he felt so very angry and at the same time so very betrayed. And he had no reason whatsoever to be feeling this way.

But he did and it was quite evident. 

Finally he closed his eyes and let his hand rest over his eyes, rubbing at them for a moment. “So this shit eating whore had sex with my husband” he whispered as if it was the only thing that mattered, forgetting all about his usually decent manners and turning to that one piece of his mind he never did. 

The worse of it all, was the simple fact Johannes almost slipped out of his grip with that man.

Friedrich closed his eyes, letting his hands drop together of his sides and his head back onto the pillow. He swallowed, unable to make much use of his mouth for the moment. Other than one. “I need a drink” he whispered lightly and crawled out of bed, reaching for one of the plastic bags and taking out the bottle and two glasses. He opened it and poured some into both of them, idly handing Johannes his glass while gulping down his own contents and placing it on the night stand and finally returning into the bed. 

And the worst of the worst in this situation… is the simple fact that he also helped Johannes get to the hospital. How more fucked up did things can get. “You said you didn’t give each other your real names…” he said turning to Johannes “Does this include me?”. 

Perhaps Johannes had been running away from this, he didn’t know. He didn’t think telling Friedrich any of this mattered and he had naively thought that the only thing that mattered was that they were together now. He thought he could escape from his past, leave it without saying a word and get off scott free but he knew when he heard Friedrich whisper and get up that everything had a price and he thought he knew that. Johannes felt ashamed then. 

He took the glass and stared at its contents quietly as he sat up. His thumb stroked over the glass as he mulled over his life. Friedrich was involved the moment he had been shot, from when he first met Johannes. There wasn’t a reason to keep him from all of Johannes. It scared him, really to reveal to Friedrich the details of his life. He had told him the basic story of it, had gone over it briefly without any of the details. He had been unfair and he bitterly remembered that old man telling him that life was unfair. 

"Friedrich, the name you know now, me as Johannes is the name that I’ll always be. It’s the name that is me and my real name," he said then, seriously and looking at him square in the eye. "I am Johannes Wolfhelm. In the beginning, I never had a name to begin with. I was though abducted and given one against my will and that name is Marius," Johannes spoke slowly, gently yet firmly. 

"It is the name of the me that lived the life of a man-made man. That name is the name the man who hadn’t a mind himself and from him he created me. The who did, the man he wanted to be and could be." Johannes set the full glass aside and ran a hand through his messy hair, distressed. "If you hate me now, I can understand, but you wouldn’t hate me would you?" 

He looked over to Friedrich, finding a large lump in his throat. Would he?

"A name doesn’t change who you are, Johannes" he sighed in reply, musing over everything he’s learned. It wasn’t much now that he thought about it. But one thing simply made him angry. 

"I can never hate you.And my feelings for you will never change. But I can’t promise you I won’t murder that whore." Friedrich found it funny how everything Tobias said was coming true.He’d kill for the man he loves, even if it’s a simple thing as a sexual relationship. It was in the past and it didn’t matter… but it did to Friedrich simply because it was the spy. That particular spy. 

"Argh, I can’t take this noise" he exclaimed, running both his hands through his hair and gripping at it for a long moment. "Just" he didn’t know what to say to this. It was just like that one time he nearly went insane because of how much his brain rebelled against him, swarming itself with too many thoughts to the point of impossibility to stand it. 

Friedrich sighed again, finally turning to Johannes and wrapping his arms around him “Just… never again about this guy. I don’t want to know what you did with him and what you had with it. I just don’t” he whispered and clang to him.

Things I want to tell people, that I wish people had told me:

sehnsuchttraum:

  • You don’t have to achieve great things by the time you’re 25
  • You have intrinsic value above and beyond your perceived utility to other people and society at large. 
  • You don’t have to have sex, or have sex in any way that you find uncomfortable or unpleasant, to keep anyone’s love or good opinion of you. They didn’t love you or think very well of you to start with if they demand it. 
  • You don’t have to stay with someone who isn’t meeting your emotional or sexual needs because they need you, or you’ve been with them for awhile, or you need to be in a relationship. You need you. Your time is your own and it is finite. 
  • It’s ok to work at a job you enjoy that doesn’t make you miserable even if it’s not a career and it won’t “lead to anything.” 
  • Your life is not a narrative. It is not leading to anything, there is no overarching thesis, it does not have themes beyond the usual shared cultural experiences of your time and place. This is ok. It does not mean that your life is without purpose or meaning. 
  • It’s ok not to like or get along with the vast majority of people you encounter, so long as you afford them the same respect, courtesy and dignity that they afford you. 
  • Expensive is not always better. 
  • Failure is temporary if you’re still alive. 
  • People are both much better and much worse than you’d suspect, but usually not all at once. 
  • Stop thinking of your future self as a different person and it will be easier to prevent money and health problems. 
  • Let people help you, lean on them when you need to, and be available to help, but don’t swing too far in either direction. Try to carry your half of the life basket as evenly as you can. 
  • Set boundaries, and do not be afraid to kick people out of your life who disregard them. You will not end up alone and unloved. People who love you will be ok with your boundaries. 
  • Your power does not come from money or beauty, but from seeing life steadily and wholly, from a curious and thoughtful mind, and from your ability to say no when you want to, and yes when you want to, and I don’t know when you don’t know. 
  • There will be bad times, maybe lots of bad times, but not only bad times. 
  • Love will not heal the wounds in your soul, but love can give you the impetus to begin the work of healing yourself. 
  • Life might be a long series of starting over, and that’s alright. 
  • You’re really cool, you’re really beautiful, you’re really special. Really. Not to everyone, but to a lot of someones sometimes. 

dertotdesgott:

khatmedic2:

Friedrich sighed lightly and rested his head back on the pillows, closing his eyes though opening them again in fear he may actually fall asleep. With Johannes on his chest like that, it may as well happen. Pondering over it, Friedrich was kind of eager to make Johannes tell his part first, because he still didn’t know how the hell he got to being here… but well, it didn’t matter. He’ll hear both stories eventually.

"Well… Remember that spy I told you about - that shot me the day I met you? Well, I’ve met him again… yesterday as you may have guessed" he looked at Johannes because one thing was clear. The three of them knew each other. "He told me you were here… and thought it would be a smart idea to be all cocky about deciding whether you live or die" he grit his teeth "well, I didn’t like that all that much. And then there’s still the grudge I hold for him shooting me just because he felt like it" Friedrich laughed lightly.

"That would answer your question about my cane. I introduced them to each other. Cane, jaw. Jaw, cane" He rolled his eyes and huffed "I’d slit his through with it but the simple fact that I was curious about whether you were really here, stopped me." he paused and looked at Johannes "I do have a question… how do you know him? Because that pig went straight to me with talking about you" he didn’t want to ruin the good mood, but Friedrich was growing just a little impatient with not knowing all the details, barely managing to bite off the ‘Is there something you aren’t telling me? After all this time?’ part.

"Either way. If I see him again, I’m going to pull his testicles out of his throat. Make sure to grab his stomach and liver. Oh and the heart on the way as well" he sneered angrily. 

There was nothing, absolutely nothing that made Friedrich angry. But this man… this attitude and this idiocy to mock him. Argh, it just made him rage. 

Johannes nodded silently, knowing exactly who it was. Oh Skorpion, you messed with the wrong medic. The spy seemed to get into all sorts of trouble. He could have snorted at that part. Whether he lived or died? Well, the spy was all sorts of angry after realizing that Johannes knew his true name. It was something he could hold against him and he knew that Skorpion hated that the most. He had been digging a hole for himself ever since he left the industries. The man thought he was clever, oh and he was, but not clever enough.

He opened his mouth to respond to that question but stopped ntil Friedrich finished speaking. The fury displayed by him was frightening and it was justified. Johannes would have hated it if it were directed at him. He breathed deeply.

"I had my suspicions, the time you told me a spy shot you the day you met me," Johannes began, looking at Friedrich. "I could not get an answer out of the slippery bastard. He has a way of eluding me when I go looking for him." He sounded a bit miffed by it and continued. "We’ve known each other before I met you." 

"We first met on the battlefield at Sawmill. We fought, nearly got each other killed but being the eccentric fellow I was before I saved him and I never thought we’d meet again. 

We did, and from there we developed a sexual relationship. I admit, I almost fell in love with him, but I couldn’t allow myself to feel like that. That man could have broken me if I allowed it. 

The night met you was the night I last had sex with him. I stopped our relationship after that and I’ve hardly seen him much since. We’ve shared a couple of cigarettes, he found a girl, and I found you. 

The reason why this,” he motioned to his whole self, eye included, “is because I was called out to sub for a medic in viaduct. I left you a note before I left since I couldn’t find you. I was driving down the mountain, there was a part of the road that was frozen over and my wheels slipped which sent me down.

Skorpion - we’ve never actually revealed our names to each other til this incident - so I’ve called him that, found me and drove me to the hospital. He stayed until they were finished patching me up. I annoyed him and he left.” 

Johannes did not remove his gaze from Friedrich the whole time. He was being truthful and he wanted Friedrich to know that, to hear it straight from him. He was though nervous to see his reaction. 

Friedrich listened to Johannes very carefully, learning a whole lot of things he didn’t know and never even suspected. And there was so much of it, he thought he’d loose track at some point and , well, he was absolutely lost by all of the things he didn’t know and just now got to discover.

He looked at Johannes, eyes wide with concentration and brows knitted into something of an anger mixed with disbelief. He didn’t exactly know why, but he felt so very angry and at the same time so very betrayed. And he had no reason whatsoever to be feeling this way.

But he did and it was quite evident. 

Finally he closed his eyes and let his hand rest over his eyes, rubbing at them for a moment. “So this shit eating whore had sex with my husband” he whispered as if it was the only thing that mattered, forgetting all about his usually decent manners and turning to that one piece of his mind he never did. 

The worse of it all, was the simple fact Johannes almost slipped out of his grip with that man.

Friedrich closed his eyes, letting his hands drop together of his sides and his head back onto the pillow. He swallowed, unable to make much use of his mouth for the moment. Other than one. “I need a drink” he whispered lightly and crawled out of bed, reaching for one of the plastic bags and taking out the bottle and two glasses. He opened it and poured some into both of them, idly handing Johannes his glass while gulping down his own contents and placing it on the night stand and finally returning into the bed. 

And the worst of the worst in this situation… is the simple fact that he also helped Johannes get to the hospital. How more fucked up did things can get. “You said you didn’t give each other your real names…” he said turning to Johannes “Does this include me?”. 

dertotdesgott:

khatmedic2:

Friedrich smiled lightly to the comment and nodded, going back to the bathroom for a moment to clean his hands again before shrugging a few extra layers off of himself, rolling his shoulders and rubbing at his tired eyes. Walking was a pain and he wished he was still angry about that spy… the adrenaline surge seemed to temporarily solve his leg problem… and now it was back again, making him limp around like a good. 

"Alright alright. I suppose the doctor can offer a few kisses and a cuddle session, followed by a small bonus of a bed time story" he gestured to his replaced cane and smiled, crawling into bed with great care as to not hurt Johannes by mistake. 

He flopped beside him and sighed, taking off his glasses and putting them on the nightstand, exposing just how tired he was. Those glasses often did somehow make it look less bad than it really was, but those black circles under his eyes seem to only get worse with each month that passes. Sleep just seemed to be escaping him. 

Friedrich turned and let a single hand ghost over Johannes’s cheek, brushing against the bandages for a moment before leaning closely and locking their lips together. The dryness of Friedrich’s lips making them stick for a moment while he pulled away and chuckled at that. “So… what do you wanna do first? I guess I could tell you what happened to my cane first. But that’s boring really” he looked at it with that hint of hate burning in his eyes. But it was so distant he wondered if his husband would even notice it. 

Johannes watched him, got ready for him and scooted a bit more to let Friedrich have enough room to get in before lying his head on his chest for a moment. His body seemed to sag then, finally supported by something other than his own tired will. Johannes raised his head and cupped his face with his good hand, feeling the dry skin and thumbing over the large bags under his eyes. Johannes leaned close and kissed gently at them. It looked to him that Friedrich was getting more and more black circles around his eyes. The man had been through too much lately. 

Seeing him like this tugged at his heart and he wondered just how long they could last like this. In this.. world, in this never changing place where reality was even more dangerous than the battlefield they fought on. Johannes wanted to leave, with Friedrich and go far, far away. Where Friedrich didn’t have to fear being killed, where they both never had to pay for their crimes. Maybe it was selfish, but Johannes didn’t think being selfish was bad. He knew they couldn’t stay there forever, fighting this senseless war. Sooner or later all wars end whether it is by death or with time, they all do. 

Johannes felt his lips meet his, dry but welcoming. He closed his eyes for that moment, leaning into it and feeling their lips stick together. Johannes’ lips were dry as well. Though his tone was nonchalant, his attitude spoke of something else. His mind clicked and Johannes thought of the moment Friedrich’s expression had turned so cold before he had left to gather their things. A frown lit his features and he hid it by lying his head back down on his chest.

"Tell me that, I’ve got something to tell you after," he said.  

Friedrich sighed lightly and rested his head back on the pillows, closing his eyes though opening them again in fear he may actually fall asleep. With Johannes on his chest like that, it may as well happen. Pondering over it, Friedrich was kind of eager to make Johannes tell his part first, because he still didn’t know how the hell he got to being here… but well, it didn’t matter. He’ll hear both stories eventually.

"Well… Remember that spy I told you about - that shot me the day I met you? Well, I’ve met him again… yesterday as you may have guessed" he looked at Johannes because one thing was clear. The three of them knew each other. "He told me you were here… and thought it would be a smart idea to be all cocky about deciding whether you live or die" he grit his teeth "well, I didn’t like that all that much. And then there’s still the grudge I hold for him shooting me just because he felt like it" Friedrich laughed lightly.

"That would answer your question about my cane. I introduced them to each other. Cane, jaw. Jaw, cane" He rolled his eyes and huffed "I’d slit his through with it but the simple fact that I was curious about whether you were really here, stopped me." he paused and looked at Johannes "I do have a question… how do you know him? Because that pig went straight to me with talking about you" he didn’t want to ruin the good mood, but Friedrich was growing just a little impatient with not knowing all the details, barely managing to bite off the ‘Is there something you aren’t telling me? After all this time?’ part.

"Either way. If I see him again, I’m going to pull his testicles out of his throat. Make sure to grab his stomach and liver. Oh and the heart on the way as well" he sneered angrily. 

There was nothing, absolutely nothing that made Friedrich angry. But this man… this attitude and this idiocy to mock him. Argh, it just made him rage. 

dertotdesgott:

khatmedic2:

Friedrich laughed at the invitation to go ahead and take care of his beloved, but he went and locked the door first, going to the basin in the small bathroom and washing his hands. Once that was done and he came out, drying them with a small towel he then returned to Johannes’s side and started undoing the bandages, observing the damage meanwhile.

He prodded his ankle lightly, his arm, hand, ribs and throat. Then started started off with sterilizing the areas, slow and careful about it before applying some of his gel. Johannes would feel it being very familiar, a warm buzz that worked quickly to sip into his skin and work its magic. And it did. However while it was at it, Friedrich renewed the bandages, binding everything tightly, but not too much so as not to make his husband uncomfortable. 

Finally done with that he frowned, reaching for Johannes’s eye and slowly undoing it. Part of him didn’t want to see what he knew was there… and he’d hoped… truly hoped they could save this but the feeling in his gut made it clear there were very little chances. Being away from respawn for a few days had its consequences… But he smiled, leaning in to peck Johannes’s lips once before he started, carefully cleaning the damaged area and the eye that was nowhere near salvageable. He sighed lightly, shaking his head before finishing the smallest of touches here and there, knowing that at least the scars won’t be too large. And with that he bandaged it again, taking his moment to inspect his handy work before nodding his approval.

"There, all done for now" he murmured softly and reached for the covers, not wanting to torment Johannes with the cold any longer. "I expect all this would be healed by tomorrow… except the eye" he smiled bitterly. But worse things could happen, right?

"Now, what was this about taking care of my husband?" he finally put everything aside and wiped his hands of the gel, reaching with both of them for Johannes and cupping his cheeks "What sort of care would my husband want from his handsome doctor?" he murmured the question and leaned close enough to press their lips together in a serious of slow light pecks, while his fingers gently kneaded at Johannes’s jaw and neck. 

He sat there very still, feeling the roughness of Friedrich’s hands touching his skin and just letting himself get sucked into the feeling and comfort of it. Any discomfort he got from the changing of his bandages and the application of the gels was forgotten in favor for the gentle touch of his husband. When he was done with his body, Johannes let his hand rest and the gown fell back down. He leaned his head back to let Friedrich have more access to his face. This was the part he knew would be the worst for Friedrich to treat. He did though lean into that brief kiss and felt more calm. 

Johannes closed his eyes and let him pull away the bandages. He felt them fall one round at a time until the cool air was caressing the pinkish flesh. He breathed in deeply. Friedrich’s fingers lingered over him and Johannes opened his eyes again once more once everything was done. “Except the eye,” he murmurs. 

"I want him to take care of how lonely my lips are," he purred, now leaning into his cupping hands. A low, soft moan escaped from Johannes in contentment. He loved the massaging fingers along his neck and jaw. They were so kind to him, kneading in the places he needed most. Johannes puckered his lips and fell into those pecks. 

"And now," Johannes said, pulling away and scooting back into the bed. "I want this handsome doctor to join me in bed."

Friedrich smiled lightly to the comment and nodded, going back to the bathroom for a moment to clean his hands again before shrugging a few extra layers off of himself, rolling his shoulders and rubbing at his tired eyes. Walking was a pain and he wished he was still angry about that spy… the adrenaline surge seemed to temporarily solve his leg problem… and now it was back again, making him limp around like a good. 

"Alright alright. I suppose the doctor can offer a few kisses and a cuddle session, followed by a small bonus of a bed time story" he gestured to his replaced cane and smiled, crawling into bed with great care as to not hurt Johannes by mistake. 

He flopped beside him and sighed, taking off his glasses and putting them on the nightstand, exposing just how tired he was. Those glasses often did somehow make it look less bad than it really was, but those black circles under his eyes seem to only get worse with each month that passes. Sleep just seemed to be escaping him. 

Friedrich turned and let a single hand ghost over Johannes’s cheek, brushing against the bandages for a moment before leaning closely and locking their lips together. The dryness of Friedrich’s lips making them stick for a moment while he pulled away and chuckled at that. “So… what do you wanna do first? I guess I could tell you what happened to my cane first. But that’s boring really” he looked at it with that hint of hate burning in his eyes. But it was so distant he wondered if his husband would even notice it.